“Ice’s” Offensiveness Scale

We writers are passionate people who love what we do more than anything. Recently, I read a post on Amazon KDP forum wherein the author had received a gift card from her boss, but felt conflicted because the sale of her book was going so well. She was wondering what, if any, obligation she had to her employer about her book sales. reading between the lines,I gathered that the author would be risking her day job if her writing career were revealed. While this may or may not be the case, it did get me thinking about what rights do employers have to punish us over the content of our books. If the books are done on our own private time, do they have the right to tell us that can or cannot publish (contracts aside). There is the ever-present danger of offending a client/student/etc. It seems to me that being offended is a national American pastime. I though about what content in “Ice” could be potentially offensive, so here it is, all laid out:

1. Number of Sex Scenes: zero

2. Profanity use: moderate

3. Scenes of Graphic Violence: about the same as the Hunger Games

4. Scenes of VERY graphic violence: just one

5. References to religion/Christianity: several (around 5-6)

6. Number of character who suddenly become religious in the midst of a crisis: None. MInterville is a fairly religious community to start with

7. Number of racist terms: none

8. Amount of profanity in a foreign language: about 3-4 word

9. References to obesity: several

10. Drug references: What do you think the whole story is about?

11. Number of telepathic characters: around 500

12. Number of non-telepathic characters: ??

13. Number of non-telepathic criminals: 42

14. Number of non-telepathic former criminals: 1

15. Number of guys who are desperately in love; 2

16. Number of girls who are desperately in love: same

17. Number of furry kitty cats: just two 😦

18. Number of characters who die during the course of the story: 18

19. Number of furry kitty cats who die during the course of the story: 1 😦

20. Number of abused children: 1

21. Number of battered wives: 1

22. References to female genitalia: 1

23. References to male genitalia: 0

24. References to teenage boys acting like idjuts: several

25. Number of disabled characters: a few

26. Number of times the word “Christmas” appears: once

27. Number of times the word “Halloween” appears: once

28. Number of ghosts: 25+

29. Number of women who hold government seats: one

30. Number of women who are subservient to their husbands: one

31. Number of ninjas: none

32. Number of vampires; none

33. Number of teenagers who kill other teenagers: none

34. Number of jihadists: none

35. Number of narco-terrorists: 40+

36 Number of characters who have AIDS: none

37. Number of characters who go to Hell: none

38. Number of grumpy old geezers: one

39. number of illegal aliens: none

40. Number of prom night dumpster babies: none

41. Number of other out-of-wedlock pregnancies: four

42. References to Michael Jackson: none

43. Number of openly gay characters: none

44. Number of communists: none

45. Number of openly gay communists: none

46. References to President Obama: none

47. Number of people who think pot should be legalized: ? (there are a lot of teenage characters and people who grew up in the sixties, so…)

48. Number of exorcisms: none

49. Number of women impregnated by the devil: none

50. Number of times the American flag is burned: zero

51. Number of bad cops: zero

52. Number of teachers who work as call girls on the side: zero

53. Number of people who died of heroin overdoses: one (in flashback) hey, my pattern is broken…

54. Number of people who were anally probed by aliens: zero

55., Number of times an ordinary object came to life to defend its owner: zero

56. Number of gigantic spiders: one

57. Number of giraffes: zero

58. Number of characters who are secretly porn stars: none

59. Number of characters who watch Spongebob; all of them, because everybody watches Spongebob.

60. Number of characters who get punched in the face: one

61. Number of characters who get kicked in the nuts: none

Well, that’s all I can think of. If there is anything else offensive in Ice…it’s staying. First Amendment and such.


2 comments on ““Ice’s” Offensiveness Scale

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s